July 21, 2015 - Serious Struggles

My Post on Caringbridge Seven years ago today — Jul 21, 2008 10:03pm. 

Under Tree copy

The past twenty-four hours have marked the most difficult period of my life. It has been impossible to control Gwen’s pain, breaking through the IV medications even at the highest dosages.

We’ve prayed for Gwen’s healing and relief from the pain. We’ve trusted God to do his will and carry out His plan. From the start, Gwen wanted God to be glorified and His will accomplished no matter what. She’s been faithful in this journey, trusting God to do what’s best even if it wasn’t what we wanted.

This afternoon at 1:21 pm, after an extremely difficult episode of pain, the Lord gathered Gwen in His arms as He loving, tenderly and sweetly took her home. She is gone from us now, but she will live in our hearts and with Him forever.

Our Heavenly Father gave her healing that she could never experience on earth. It was not what I desired, but He is sovereign and I trust Him. So did Gwen.

Things are quiet in this bedroom tonight for the first time in weeks. Our dog Baxter doesn’t understand why, at this late hour Gwen would not be home. He’s been sitting on her side of the bed waiting, but she doesn’t come.

The feeling of loss is hard to describe. For over 37 years she’s been part of my life, and now she’s gone. It’s difficult to comprehend as my heart actually aches. I was married to the woman of my dreams. We lived, we played, we set the world on fire, she and I. There was no dream too grand, no mountain too high. As long as we were together, we could conquer them all. She was the very best part of me, and as I close my eyes I can see her beautiful smile.

I find myself sitting with Baxter, watching the door, waiting for her to come home. But then I realize – she’s already home, for the first time.

I will love her forever. She was my girl.

Today – July 21, 2015:

Since Gwen left us, her story has reached thousands, as lives have been changed and souls have been saved as a result of her faithfulness. As a result, wells have been dug in Africa to deliver clean water and the Gospel to the lost and dying. In addition, some who have read her story have turned their hearts over to Christ.

Gwen’s favorite verse was Jeremiah 29:11,

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

God gave her hope, and her future is magnificent. I am grateful that she was my wife, and thankful for every moment I had with her.