I was told that affection between a husband and wife is to be private.
Specifically, they shouldn’t kiss in front of their kids. Really? Well how about this?
Do your kids know how you feel about their mom? Do they see affections the rest of the world doesn’t, like kissing or hugging their mom?
Strangely to me, there is debate over this issue with opinions ranging from one end of the spectrum to the other.
If you Google the topic of parental affection, you will be inundated by articles on the subject. The opinions are often rather heated.
It’s important here to define what we are calling “affection”. For the purpose of this discussion, we are referring to kissing and hugging since many people feel that it’s actually damaging for your kids to see that.
It’s not PDA-“public display of affection” that we’re talking about. We are referring to KDA-“kid display of affection”—how our kids see their parents behaving with each other.
Some of the studies indicate that holding hands is okay, but kissing and hugging are not. Apparently, it’s acceptable to see it in the movies but not at home?
I know there are things in my past that have actually damaged my kids—like walking into the living room with my undies on the outside of my pants. I was being silly, and I swear I didn’t know we had company.
But I really don’t think my kids were ever damaged by my kissing their mom—and I did it a lot. In fact, I hugged her whenever I got the chance, and that was often in front of them too.
So what’s the result? Well, my kids never, ever doubted that their dad was ridiculously in love with their mom. Do not underestimate the value of your children knowing that—not just thinking it, but knowing it for sure.
It is extremely important for kids to understand from the time they can think, that dad loves mom more than anything in the world. It needs to be so well ingrained in them that nothing can shake it.
It should be clear to them that dad loves mom so much, he can’t help himself—he has to kiss her—he has to hug her. He can’t stop!
In Life To Her Years–50 Rules For Dads of Daughters, Michael Mitchell talks about the importance of girls seeing their dad being publicly affectionate toward their mom.
For me, it sets the stage for them to live their own lives later. As dad, you should set that standard high, and then watch the guys that come courting to see who meets the bar.
You will have to chase off more than a few, some of whom can’t even find the bar. But when the right one comes along, she’ll know and so will you.
Treating your wife with love and respect, honor and adoration is more important than telling your kids what they should do in their own marriages. If they see it in you and know that it works, they won’t settle for anything less.
It will show your daughters what to expect from their husbands, and your sons how to treat their wives. It’s more than just a good idea—it’s God’s plan.
Don’t forget to embarrass your kids regularly—hug their mom for no reason, other than you just have to.