August 15, 2014 - Men Only, Romance

Do you want to be a Godly man?

Silhouette of two people - Young couple sitting at one bicycle G

If you’re following God’s design for your marriage, there are some critical questions to ask:

  • Do you want to be with your wife more than with the guys?
    • Meeting up with the guys isn’t inherently bad unless it’s an excuse for not spending time with your wife. A balanced approach is essential. You can justify time with your male friends in the name of just wanting to do it, but don’t use that as a way to get away from her.
  • Do you ever complain about your wife to others?
    • Whether in casual conversation or deep depth discussion, complaining about our wives is out of the question. If there is an issue that requires addressing, discussing it with a friend is not where to start. Your friend doesn’t know her side, and he’s likely to be sympathetic to you, potentially adding fuel to your fire.
  • Do you harbor resentment for something in your marriage or your wife?
    • Allowing something to fester in our brains causes it to fester in our brains. The result is festering brains. I have often recommended counseling and mentoring from a Godly perspective. I’m surprised at how many couples shy away from obtaining the help that could change everything. A frequent excuse is that the couple doesn’t want anyone, especially friends, finding out they need help. The truth is, more than likely, the friends know.
  • Is there “un-dealt with” sin from your dating days?
    • If you and your wife went too far during the dating years, you need to come together and discuss that. It doesn’t matter if you have been married for one year or fifty, this is something that needs to happen. Sit down with your wife in a quiet, uninterrupted setting and tell her you are sorry for going farther than you should have while courting her. It was a violation of her purity, and even though she is now your spouse, it’s unfinished business until it’s not.
  • Do you wish you could get out of your marriage?
    • Picture yourself all alone in a room. There is a big red button on the table in front of you. You know that if you push that button, your marriage is over. All you have to do is push the button. No one gets hurt. In fact, the marriage never even happened. The question is, would you push it? If the answer is yes, you need to start there, because that’s not okay.
  • Is there someone else in your head?
    • I used that term because in the years of counseling, I heard it many times.
      • The question is: “Do you love your wife.”
      • The answer: “I used to.”
      • Question: “Do you love her now?”
      • Answer: “I did, but there is someone else in my head.”
    • This scenario is a Flee scenario. If there is someone else in your head, Biblically—there is only one thing to do—Get Her Out. You can’t divorce your wife and marry the one in your head. That is not okay with God. You must remove her, and renew your heart with your wife. It’s not a matter of the heart—it’s a matter of obedience. This is not an earthly game we’re playing here, gentlemen. This is an eternal living issue. Don’t put your hope in this fleeting, temporal world when eternity awaits us all.
  • Are you addicted to pornography?
    • This is a big topic with lots of info. The fact is, if you are addicted to pornography, you need to stop or your marriage will die. Period. Please read THE HARMLESS VICE.
  • Do you dwell too much on the negative?
    • This is simple. If you want a positive relationship, sow those seeds of positivity. If the soil doesn’t accept them and grow, sow some more. If a farmer quit when the seeds he planted didn’t sprout, we would all be in trouble.

Being a good husband is not as difficult as it may sound. It does take work, but the rewards of a romantic, precious relationship with the woman you love is worth every second.

Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church, and gave himself up for her. A tall order from a just God.