April 30, 2014 - Parenting

From the moment the doctor says, “It’s a girl!” we fathers witness the surfacing of a phenomenon that is placed within us by God long before.

doctor surgeon man with face mask holding shotgun silhouette

These emotions that appear seemingly from nowhere include the innate sense of protection, love, and awe that we fathered a daughter into this incredible world. But it is much more than that.

There are wonderful but different senses that accompany the birth of a son, but that is a topic for another blog. Dads of girls understand the “daughter phenomenon.”

Since dads are men, and men were boys, we know what’s on most boys’ minds. Girls don’t know what’s on most boys’ minds until they’re older, and then they’re shocked. They just think those guys flitting about with grins on their faces are nice and cute and friendly. Right.

We dads will protect our daughters at any cost . . . any cost. That means we will fight for them, sacrifice for them, hover over them at times incurring their displeasure, and if necessary, go to jail for them. I have been known to pull a 9mm or even a shotgun on a few unsuspecting fellows, but I never shot one . . . not that anyone can prove.

So God put us in charge of our daughters until such a time when we can offer their hand in marriage to someone we trust. That isn’t as difficult to do as it sounds as long as the guy is one you know will take care of her properly.

So here are some questions to ask about the young man she wants to marry. It’s fair to ask questions. In fact, it’s your job as dad to do so. But even more importantly, teach your daughter what to look for in a man and to ask herself these critical questions about him. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give her.

  • What is his relationship with the Lord?
    • This is not a question you should have to ask him. It should be evident in every aspect of his life, from the language he uses, to his knowledge of Scripture, and even more importantly, his application of the Word in his personal life.
  • Does he understand your daughter is a lady and a gift from God?
    • Here again, we can see this from personal observation. Does he open the door for her? Does he scream at her, or instead, does he treat her with respect? Does he ever poke fun at her at her expense? Some joking is part of life and fun, but the key phrase is at her expense. If it is, then it’s just bullying. Give her two options, have her kick him to the curb, or offer to do it for her. That’s where the jail time often comes in.
  • Are his priorities in line with Scripture?
    • Prioritizing life is always a challenge, and it’s easy to make mistakes. But I’m talking here about priorities upon which all else is based. For example, he should put God first, your daughter (his wife) second, his children (in the future) third, work fourth, and the rest last.
  • Does he pursue money and possessions, or God?
    • When we’re young it’s easy to focus on wealth, but this is changing in our society with a new awareness of the futility of riches, and the truth of the Great Commission. Where does this young man stand? Is he focused on eternity, or prosperity?

This is not an exclusive list of important questions, but it does include critical issues. When that day comes to place her hand in the hand of another man, make sure you’ve done your homework and prepared your daughter for the rest of her life.

She will thank you for it one day, and she’ll forgive you for pulling out the shotgun when it was needed. Really . . . she will.