August 21, 2013 - Marriage

Some husbands would rather let you lead than for them to do it.

Lion almost hidden in shadow, leadership, marriage, husband leaders,

Biblically speaking, the husband should lead whether it’s the two of you or a family of ten.

In the blog, HOW TO MAKE HIM LOVE YOU LIKE HE USED TO, we looked at some of the reasons he may not lead. They included:

  • He abuses the privilege
  • He stinks at leading
  • He doesn’t have a close walk with the Lord
  • He would rather his wife lead

But as a godly woman, there is much you can do to help him become the leader he should be.

  • Insist that he do it
    • It may be a good idea to get this one out-of-the-way. He needs to do this whether he wants to or not. And if you happen to be a better leader than he, you may have to force him by refusing to lead. You’re on solid Biblical ground here.
  • Don’t reprimand him for the errors he has made
    • Forgiving mistakes that impact the family is true forgiveness
      • When I started in private practice many years ago, I made some investment mistakes that proved to be financially disastrous. My wife had every reason to be angry with me, or berate me for how I had failed, or complain to her friends or family that I had made a bad business decision that hurt our family. We lost everything, but never once did she do anything but encourage me. She stood by my side, and fought for the future with me. In my opinion, she set the standard for all wives.
  • Help him learn from his mistakes
    • Assuming that you are a better leader, there are things you can teach your husband about leadership. We see that in business often. A manager teaches another how to do his own job as he moves up the corporate ladder. The same concept is true here. Help him learn by humbly teaching him your secrets of success.
  • Take away the fear of failing
    • One time early in my marriage, I was trying to decide between purchasing two different cars. It drove Gwen a little crazy that I struggled with which one would be best for our family. She finally told me something that would help me in countless decisions over the years. She said, “It doesn’t matter which one you pick, just pick one. I will not ever be upset with the direction you go, just go.”
  • Make his opinions count
    • When you need help raising the kids, or the budget, or making a decision, make his opinion be the deal-breaker. Assign more value to his opinion than anyone else’s, including yours.
  • Don’t hold his past or fear of future mistakes in front of him – bury them.
    • This is easy for some women, difficult for others. You can never use his honest failures against him, or hold him hostage because of them. They must be buried. After we had been married for several years, we still had a lot to learn. I kept complaining about something Gwen had done that annoyed me. I heard her talking on the phone with a friend, and she was crying as she told her how much it hurt. When she had hung up, I asked her to come to the kitchen. I wrote down the issue on a piece of paper in front of her and put it in an envelope. We walked out behind the house and dug a hole. After I put the paper in the hole, I lit it and watched it burn. Then I covered it with dirt. While she cried, I promised to never, ever mention it again, and I never did. It taught me a lesson I will never forget.

Marriage isn’t for cowards. Loving another person should be taken seriously. When we consider how hard we are willing to work for career goals, we should easily work as hard on our marriages.

Make it work. Invest the time. Invest in him.