A new book hit the market this week. The title is Manology, Secrets Of Your Man’s Mind Revealed.

If you’re tempted to go buy it to finally gain insight into your husband or boyfriend’s behavior, you would be better served by just picking up a breakfast burrito.

An interview on Soledad Obrien’s CNN morning program with one of the authors was quite revealing—and disturbing. Tyrese Gibson, who’s greatest line in any movie was, “We hungry” stated that, for any man to find the one woman who is right for him, he needs to “date” many women and get all of that out of his system.

“All of that” was obvious code for sex, and included the man giggle that accompanies a statement made with hidden meaning.

Women of all ages need to know something—there really are secrets for understanding your man, and for choosing the right one. Those secrets are not found in a muscle pumping, womanizing, garbage view of marriage like Tyrese Gibson’s.

Here’s a list of real secrets to understanding your man—and choosing the right one if you’re single.

• Pick an already Godly man.
  • Many women we have counseled over the years have indicated that they fully expected their husbands to mature, grow, and improve with time. Sometimes that meant they would hopefully learn to become spiritual leaders of their families. Other times the expectation was that they would become more romantic, understanding, or—the biggie—conversational.

• Don’t expect him to change.
  • Perhaps he will, and he certainly should be continually growing in the Lord his entire life. But if you are in love with the man you know he could be, you may be very disappointed in the outcome if he doesn’t take that path.

• If there are warning signs, don’t ignore them.
  • Surprisingly, many women we have counseled looked the other way, gave the benefit of the doubt, or made excuses for their wayward husband’s (or boyfriend’s) behavior. If there is a problem—there is a problem. Don’t ignore it.

• Heed the Deal Killers. These are serious warning signs that should halt plans for marriage until the concern is completely rectified.
  • He drinks to excess
    • This is a significant concern since this indicates a coping mechanism that will continue to surface at the most inopportune time.
  • He has commitment issues 
    • This is code for being married. Kick him to the curb and don’t look back.
  • He has bursts of anger or rage.
    • A man who will become frighteningly furious over unimportant issues may need counseling. Even if he is never angry toward you. That may develop in time.
  • He is rough with you (verbally or physically).
    • This should be a no brainer, but it happens far too often, and rarely improves without counseling. If it’s present in any form, put the brakes on until he agrees to get help.
  • He is pushing for sex
    • Success in marriage begins with faithfulness before. No sex until the wedding night—ever. If he has a different view, refer him to scripture, or your pastor.

  Remember—don’t fall in love with the man you believe he can be. Fall in love with the man he is. Or back away.