February 8, 2012 - Serious Struggles

I awakened abruptly early in the morning while it was still dark outside. I travel quite a bit, so for a moment I couldn’t remember if I was in my bedroom or in a hotel.

But this particular morning was different for me than most. I had spent part of the night with Gwen in a dream that seemed to last forever. I know that sounds strange—but it felt real.

I sat up in the dark trying to regain my bearings as reality reluctantly took its place. At first Gwen seemed close because of the time we had spent together in the dream, but my heart quickly sank as I recalled the truth—she was gone.

It was quiet in the room with only the patter of rain on the windows—perhaps that is what awakened me. Instinctively I reached my hand to her side of the bed, knowing she wasn’t there.

As I sat in the darkness struggling to remember the dream or the words that had been spoken, I suddenly recalled—we had been walking down a street in Paris when she took my hand and said, “I really miss you, but it’s time for you to go.”

For a moment I could hardly breathe. I have dreamed of spending time with her often—this was not an isolated incident. But it seemed strange for her to speak as if she knew she was not coming with me.

After three and a half years I was still swept away by the thought of her? I lay back down and stared at the ceiling until I slowly drifted off again. I needed to get to sleep—she was waiting.